What ever, who ever

I always blame myslef why not handling this not well, why not handling that not well. All i know tell myself why dont do that will be better, but only after i did what i did. I always tell myself, i have to learn from this mistake from that mistake, but at last the same mistake come back again i dont know why... why why why everything beside me is not that smooth.... not even a single event, a single thing i cry sometime. Blaming come out when i was alone..... alone. What ever i meet i will come into a confuse first then after when i think back only i clear what am i doing. A very simple example i think most of you face it before.
"when the result come you will see, why... why get this marks only.... i should study more, i can score higher, i not i study earlier....... i WILL study earlier this time, i WILL start set a study plan to help me get a better score............."
This is what i think when i get my result ........ many time.... many many time, untill i cant count how many time i tell myslef this sentance. I hate myself alot you know my be no people understood me as well. NONE of it. Everytime i think of what i do before i find out that i make everything into a mess, i do alot of thing WRONG thing . Damn shit i hate myself alot really, i hate I HATE. No matter what i know how to say.... as people say that "talk is easy, but not doing" what ever, who ever, when i saw people do that i saw. i know that was not right, i just dont want they become the other me. My life full of regrad, see this ? when ppl tell me this, i can tell him that dont always regrad about the pass, just try your best to being good in future.... ha god damn it i seriously talk that. Is very easy to say that but me myself cant do as easy as i talk.
What ever dont know when i start lock myslef off. God tell me pls how to hadle all the relationship well no matter is friendship or what anything.
I have to thank you alot of people surrounding me not them i wont see so many thing, i wont know so many thing ..... thanks alot...............
(my english is worst i know myself. if can tell me where i am wrong i try my best to correct and improve my writting thank you )